Heya, Wednesday readers! I had one of those crazy, prolonged, and entirely immersive “everything is going horribly wrong, and you just have to survive” dreamscape experiences as I slept last night. Don’t remember what it entailed, but, let’s just say, glad I can leave it on the pillow and return to a perfectly stable worl…. well, never mind, here’s some soccer news!

Match Preview: D.C. United at Red Bull New York | Wednesday, April 22, 2026– DC United

The big one today. DCU travels to (wait, this can’t be right) New Jersey to take on a team called Red Bull New York? And since when does an MLS franchise sport a toxic “energy” drink in its very name? And why is Alecko Eskandarian laughing at me? Weird.

There is also a match at Audi Field tonight, as DC Power take on Fort Lauderdale at 7:30 Eastern. It will be available to stream on Peacock. There’s a match preview on the DC Power site, but, as per usual, the link is incompatible with this site.

Speaking of links that don’t translate, Loudoun United have announced two additional signings to its USL W team, namely Lily Stevens and Valentina Bitterwolf (which, what a name for a soccer player). The two recruits hail from Coastal Carolina and Temple University, respectively.

Women’s sports rule at this revamped Arlington bar– Washington Post

This news was generally covered yesterday, but thought I’d include the Washington Post’s coverage of the Westover Taco reimagining. And when WAPO does an article like this, we thank the journalists. It’s almost like METRO and SPORTS news are worth covering!

Kassouf: Next Two International Windows Critical for the USWNT- ESPN

This video discusses how important the upcoming windows are for Emma Hayes to sort out the dynamics and partnerships as the squad gears up for CONCACAF qualifying with the Women’s World Cup looming.

Or, alternatively, you could read The Athletic’s article about Hayes’ undefeated “Hello Kitty” hat, plus some other NWSL tidbits

Which USWNT Players Made Their Case in the Japan Friendly Series?– Sports Illustrated

Pretty straightforward 3 up, 3 down article covering the six players whose stocks were affected over the course of the three game Japan series, for good or for bad.

Who Is the USWNT’s Opponent in 2027 Women’s World Cup Qualifiers?– Sports Illustrated

Qualifying out of CONCACAF on the women’s side is… a bit more truncated than it is on the men’s side. How much more truncated? The USWNT will play a three game bracket, starting in the quarterfinals against El Salvador. If they make it to the final, or failing that, they win the third place game, they will qualify as one of the top 3 teams in CONCACAF. Which does mean that, conceivably, El Salvador could shock the US and leave them without a World Cup to look forward to in a single game. The two national teams have never played each other, despite a window of time spanning 41 years that they could have done so. Crazy.

USMNT World Cup opener ticket sales reportedly lag behind other matches– Goal.com

One would think that, given the circumstances, the US would have a much easier time selling out their group matches than, say Iran and New Zealand’s matchup in the same stadium. You would be wrong, according to The Athletic. FIFA disputes the numbers, but they have not earned the reputation as a font of credibility. Forbes has an article examining the potential causes for this attendance disparity behind a paywall.

The mental toll of injury nightmares that threaten players’ World Cup dreams– ESPN

Trust me, the whole world of competitive soccer is deeply anxious about the possibility of injury in this critical time. The USMNT is not immune.

USMNT Bubble Watch: Which players are fighting for World Cup spots?– Goal.com

Goal examines the churn and personnel questions at every position for the USMNT, and there’s a legitimate question of some kind at every spot- for goalie, it’s probably just the third string choice, but it is remarkable how much there is to nail down with so little time before the tournament.

The 2026 World Cup could supercharge soccer in the U.S. — or slow its rise– Yahoo

Yahoo does a decent deep dive into the knife’s edge that the World Cup is currently walking. The ’94 tournament, it must be said, was a rousing, unimpeachable success. This one? It’s going to be a lot.

Power Rankings: Vancouver Whitecaps take top spot from LAFC– MLS

Do I care about MLS Power Rankings put out by MLS? But I do it anyway, because I am a river to my MLS Power Rankings Sickos!!! (I say that with love).

Columbus Crew owners get 18th NWSL franchise for record fee– ESPN

Women’s soccer fans in Columbus, I imagine, are more excited for this opportunity to support an NWSL club than those in the know are about the ownership group and general vibe.

It’s all about the drip, and the drip is there from the jump for Portland’s new USL W team.

AI advised Real Sociedad boss against Matarazzo – ‘fortunately’ trusted sporting director– Transfer Market

We close out with a rare example of a positive “sliding doors” outcome in our current timeline. It seems that a La Liga sporting director, Erik Bretos, scouted and recommended American coaching prospect, Pellegrino Mattarazo, to the president of Real Sociedad. It used to be that a club president’s gut would get in the way of such decisions, but this time, it was ignorance and an LLM prompt. Had that club president heeded the predictive generation from the algorithm, Mattarazo would not have been hired. The sporting director got the nod, instead. A good decision in a clearly mind numbingly stupid world. Do I feel like giving the club president a slap on the back for his choice? Given the LLM involvement in the American’s fate, he surely deserves one somewhere…

That’s all I’ve got! One-up me in the comments, and have a great sporting day!